So I've been really thinking a lot about joining a gym recently. I have been having a hard time recently feeling comfortable in my skin (that's the best way to put it, saying I feel fat just sounds ugly). I've been having a hard time b/c none of my clothes are fitting me anymore and I had to pull my jeans down from the closet that used to be to big for me. It's hard b/c I see all these girls who are ideally what I want to look like and I can't help but feel huge. I felt great when I was pregnant with Jayden, and then afterwords when I had lost 10lbs I felt even better, but now that I'm not longer nursing, started birth control, and have been working, I haven't been eating like I should, and I'm starting to gain the weight back. I'm feeling down about myself these days and so I have been thinking a lot about seriously considering joining a gym. I would ideally love to find something that offers childcare and also has free personal trainers or offers one at a low rate. I think I would benefit from somebody being able to tell me what I need to work on in order to see results, and not just going in there gun-ho hoping it will work. I know they would help to motivate me and keep me going. So it's just been something I have been thinking about b/c I want to be a few sizes smaller. I'm not looking to be a stick thin skinny mini by any means, but just have a flat stomach and be healthy. I'm thinking this would help me to feel better about my recent weight gain if I did something to help improve it. I don't want end up a huge fatty that nobody wants to go out into public with. So anyways, I have been seriously considering it, but idk how it works or anything like that, and most of the websites are really vague when it comes to cost. I looked up a few and they offer childcare (which would be a plus with jayden) and some of them are also open 24 hours, which could be nice with my crazy working schedule and sometimes having to work late hours. Idk if I would join an all women's gym, or if I would join one that's co-ed. That way if nathan ever wanted to join at a later date, we could work together, which might be nice. But idk, it's just something I have been thinking about. On the other hand I'm really torn with the idea b/c I'm supposed to be saving money so that when nathan and I are living together (which that hasn't been going so well..more on that in a minute) we will have some money put back, and that makes it hard to do anything and spend any money at times b/c I hear this voice in my head that says I shouldn't spend money, and I need to save it all; however, this is something I think would be worth the investment. IDK, I guess I will just mull it over for a bit and see what I decide to do at a later date.
On another note, Nathan and I have been hunting and hunting for a place to live. We found one place in Rock Hill that fits our budget, but we wouldn't have anybody close by to watch Jayden, and the cost of daycare would be to much. All the places around me are waaay to expensive and near him, most of them are low income. It really sucks b/c we make to much b/w the both of us to afford the low income houses, and we don't make enough to be able to afford something a little bit nicer, so it's really put us in quite a bit of a pickle for finding some that will work for us. I'm remaining hopeful, but it's discouraging every time we realize we can't find a place. Now that Jayden is getting bigger, I really want us to be around so Nathan can spend lots of time with him and play with him when he's not working. I always feel bad when I have to leave from his house and come back up here. Nathan is going to check out a place near him on wednesday so i'm hoping he will get some good news and it might be a place we could not only afford to do, but also one that is decent on the inside. I'm trying to stay positive, but sometimes it's hard. :/
Well I want to write to more, but I have to get ready for work. Now that Jayden is getting bigger, I have more time to be able to update this on the regular, so I'm going to try and get in at least one posting a week, if not more, so be sure to check back for the rest of them!
Love to everybody!
<3 Sarah <3
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