Well, Well, Well...

I guess I should start with the thing that's most prominent in my brain right now. That would have to be work. Last night at work my manager, Leslie, asked me if I wanted to be full time. She said "Sarah, since I'm giving you full time hours anyways, do you want to be full time?" I didn't really hesitate and told her yes of course. She asked if I was sure, and I said yes. When I was offered it I knew I should take it b/c Nathan and I need the money and more hours is always great, but as time went on that night and I really started thinking about it, I realized I had made a mistake for myself. Don't get me wrong, if I was working anywhere else 33-35 hours a week wouldn't be an issue, but this job at Belk is AWFUL! We are over worked, yelled at for things that are out of our control, no managers are able to be reached when we need help, it's realy stressful, and 9 out of 10 times I come home so exhausted that I don't even have the energy to take care of my son at night. That for me is a problem. I shouldn't be working at a job where I'm so overwhelmed every time I come into work that I'm driven to exhaustion by the time I get home. It's just not good for me. Anyways, that being said, I called Leslie this morning and told her after thinking about it some more, I really just don't want to have full time hours, and asked if she could drop my hours back down. (I know Nathan wasn't to thrilled when I told him, b/c I know how relieved he probably was to hear I finally got full time, but it's not worth it for me to be miserable and tired all the time.....Trust me baby, I did us both a favor...you know how I get when I'm tired..imagine me like that 24/7 b/c of work...NOT GOOD) With that though, I have promised myself that I'm going to start hunting for a second job. I'm applying to a place over in Birkdale called Talbots. It's a clothing store, but I'm sure it won't be nearly as stressful as working at Belk. I have also decided that if I'm offered the same hourly rate of pay or higher and full time hours where ever else I apply to, I'm going to take it, without hesitation. However, if they can't offer me full time hours, I'm going to tell them my availability is sunday-wednesday, and I will let Belk know that I can only work Thursday-Saturday. Which they probably won't like to much, but I need it to keep me sane, without the potential of another job, I'm going to get pushed to my breaking point if I stay there. I refuse to quit, though, no matter how bad it gets, I won't be without a job. I did that once, and finding work was a MAJOR, pain in the ass. Not to mention I'm pretty sure at that point Nathan might actually break up with me...and not just joke about it anymore. haha. but no really...i just don't know. :p  But aside from work and all the drama that is involved there, I'm doing alright. Jayden is getting cuter and cuter every day, and he's getting so close to crawling now! I'm so excited for him to get to the next step in his growing. He's such a good little boy! :-)  Nathan and I took him down to the lake the other day and he had a blast. He liked splashing in the water and eating the sand. It was a nice day trip and I enjoyed spending time with Nathan. We don't get to see other to often much these days with out work schedules being so opposite, so on the days we do have a day off together I like to spend it with him, doing, whatever. :)  Speaking of, things with us are going well. We are still getting along, and (unfortunately) still looking for a place to live. I think we both thought by this point we would have found something, but nothing seems to turn up. We aren't really rushing it, b/c we know we don't want to end up in over our heads in something we can't afford to do, but at the same time I'm so ready for us to be together and be a family. I'm ready to take on the role of "mommy" and cook and do some of the cleaning for my boys, and just enjoy each others company.....Well I'm getting distracted so I'm going to get off of here for now and find myself and tiny man some food!
...Until Later...

<3 Sarah <3

Photo Trick

So I was reading this article on the internet and it was talking about little things you could do to lose weight. One of the suggestions was to take a picture of everything you were going to eat (over the course of a week) and post it into a blog and write a little something about it. The purpose is to open up your eyes to what you are consuming and hopefully help you to chose more healthy snacks and healthy options. I mean, who wants to show everybody they ate 2 greasy cheeseburgers, an entire bag of popcorn, 4 brownies, a ham sandwich, bowl of ice cream, some chips, and wash it all down with 5 cans of soda throughout the day...  I certainly wouldn't. So this has inspired me to try this out and take pictures of what I'm eating for one week, in hopes, that I, too, will choose more healthy options to eat. So starting tomorrow I will blog to you what I ate for the day, and we will see just how much this really works. I do believe that this will something that will honestly help me out. I'm also going to see about getting batteries for our wii fit bored so I can start doing some wii fit in the afternoons or after work to help me unwind and relax...I know you are thinking, how does working out help you relax? Well for me it will reduce anxiety, and help me to burn out the last little bits of energy I have left so that I will be fully exhausted and able to get a good nights sleep. I'm also going to start taking Jayden for walks around my neighborhood on all my days off so we will be able to get outside and I can walk some more. Another thing that will be good for me, our pool opens up at the end of the month, and my mom got Jayden this pool float, so once that is opened, we will go to the pool and layout in the sunshine and splash and enjoy being in the water. :-) Those are just a few things I need to start doing. I'm tired of being this size, so I hope by the end of the year that just maybe I can drop at least one pants size or two...that would be nice. So anyways...

Well I have to change Jayden and then I'm going to work on yet another puzzle and maybe watch some more TV. Love to all!

~Sarah~

Something I've been thinking about..

So I've been really thinking a lot about joining a gym recently. I have been having a hard time recently feeling comfortable in my skin (that's the best way to put it, saying I feel fat just sounds ugly). I've been having a hard time b/c none of my clothes are fitting me anymore and I had to pull my jeans down from the closet that used to be to big for me. It's hard b/c I see all these girls who are ideally what I want to look like and I can't help but feel huge. I felt great when I was pregnant with Jayden, and then afterwords when I had lost 10lbs I felt even better, but now that I'm not longer nursing, started birth control, and have been working, I haven't been eating like I should, and I'm starting to gain the weight back. I'm feeling down about myself these days and so I have been thinking a lot about seriously considering joining a gym. I would ideally love to find something that offers childcare and also has free personal trainers or offers one at a low rate. I think I would benefit from somebody being able to tell me what I need to work on in order to see results, and not just going in there gun-ho hoping it will work. I know they would help to motivate me and keep me going. So it's just been something I have been thinking about b/c I want to be a few sizes smaller. I'm not looking to be a stick thin skinny mini by any means, but just have a flat stomach and be healthy. I'm thinking this would help me to feel better about my recent weight gain if I did something to help improve it. I don't want end up a huge fatty that nobody wants to go out into public with. So anyways, I have been seriously considering it, but idk how it works or anything like that, and most of the websites are really vague when it comes to cost. I looked up a few and they offer childcare (which would be a plus with jayden) and some of them are also open 24 hours, which could be nice with my crazy working schedule and sometimes having to work late hours. Idk if I would join an all women's gym, or if I would join one that's co-ed. That way if nathan ever wanted to join at a later date, we could work together, which might be nice. But idk, it's just something I have been thinking about. On the other hand I'm really torn with the idea b/c I'm supposed to be saving money so that when nathan and I are living together (which that hasn't been going so well..more on that in a minute)  we will have some money put back, and that makes it hard to do anything and spend any money at times b/c I hear this voice in my head that says I shouldn't spend money, and I need to save it all; however, this is something I think would be worth the investment. IDK, I guess I will just mull it over for a bit and see what I decide to do at a later date.

On another note, Nathan and I have been hunting and hunting for a place to live. We found one place in Rock Hill that fits our budget, but we wouldn't have anybody close by to watch Jayden, and the cost of daycare would be to much. All the places around me are waaay to expensive and near him, most of them are low income. It really sucks b/c we make to much b/w the both of us to afford the low income houses, and we don't make enough to be able to afford something a little bit nicer, so it's really put us in quite a bit of a pickle for finding some that will work for us. I'm remaining hopeful, but it's discouraging every time we realize we can't find a place. Now that Jayden is getting bigger, I really want us to be around so Nathan can spend lots of time with him and play with him when he's not working. I always feel bad when I have to leave from his house and come back up here. Nathan is going to check out a place near him on wednesday so i'm hoping he will get some good news and it might be a place we could not only afford to do, but also one that is decent on the inside. I'm trying to stay positive, but sometimes it's hard. :/

Well I want to write to more, but I have to get ready for work. Now that Jayden is getting bigger, I have more time to be able to update this on the regular, so I'm going to try and get in at least one posting a week, if not more, so be sure to check back for the rest of them!

Love to everybody!
<3 Sarah <3