Insecurities..

Oiy! I have been feeling really insecure these past couple of days, and i don't know why. I'm sure some of it is linked to my period, bc that always sends my emotions into overdrive, but i know another part also has to do with an accidental discovery i made the other day on accident. I don't want to get into to much detail about it, bc if a certain someone reads this, i don't want them taking my words the wrong way. ...and i know i cant talk to them about it, bc the last time i tried (over a different matter) it blew up in my face and i became the bad guy. ...but anyways, back to my rant...

I consider myself to be pretty secure in who i am, and how i feel about myself, however, i have my momenta where i see someone "prettier" than me, and i get jealous of them....not because i want what they have, but bc of how i see myself. And at that moment, i don't see myself as "pretty"

I have these moments in my relationship too. I know deep down in my heart my boyfriend would never cheat on me, nor would he want to, but when i see a girl on TV, or some crazy bad ass scene with a confident woman, i can't help but wonder if he ever thinks, even just for a second, that he wished i was that way.
(I mostly bring this up when referring to... um how shall i word this... "doing the nasty") i have zero experience outside of him, so obviously in not a super pro at a lot of things, but i want be, for him and for me. And so when i see or hear him make little comments (jokingly of course) i still cant help but wonder if maybe part of what he's saying is true...that he wished i was better at the nasty..haha. but no really, so ups my insecurities. Ugh, and me being me, just does nothing for the fear of looking stupid and not doing it right and only letting myself down in the end. So idk, i just needed an outlet to put my thoughts down, nobody will read this..they never do, but at least its off my chest... 

Well bed time. Final in the am.
Love love
~sarah