Randomness

It seems that no matter how much i try not to think about certain things, they keep popping up in my head. Even if i try and lie to myself and say its okay, it always comes back. I guess maybe i should talk about it, but whenever i do, i feel like it gets nowhere, so idk what to do. If i bring it up, im not going to get the response i want, so i just dont bother, and then just let it build til i explode...which isnt good either, so idk. Oh wells. Nuff for now.
~sarah

Bleh.

Well work was alright, got to feeling light headed twice tonight though....idk what's up with this, but if it continues for a week or so longer, i might go to the doctors just to make sure everything is alright. Idk if maybe I've gotten diabetes or maybe sugar just drops to low or what, but its such an odd feeling. Who knows?! It could be just exhaustion and that I'm doing to much with work and everything else that I'm spreading myself too thin, but whatever it may be, i hope it goes away soon. Sigh.

Anywhos....i talked to  my bestie tonight! I miss her! I haven't seen her in many many moons! She and lacy are the only two people i keep in contact with from high school. Though i have recently reconnected with maia so that has been nice. :). But omg kristen! She is such a fun person to be around and she makes me stand up for myself when everyone else is driving me nuts! And i love her for that...she looks out for me, from a distance, but i know her love and support is always there if i need her! :)

Hmmmm.....nothing to pressing on my mind tonight, not like last night anyways. :/  well i got home tonight and saw the lights on, and i got excited bc i thought my boyfriend would be up and i could talk to him and cuddle with him and he would make me feel better...but nope, he was passed out asleep, so I'm sad about that, bc i need some good quality cuddle time with him, and just a little reassurance on some things. But oh well..maybe tomorrow since we both have the day off!! 

We are going to get pictures done on the am with Kim. I'm suuuuuper excited about them bc i know they will turn out great! Her pictures always do! So I'm very much looking forward to a great and successful shoot tomorrow! :)   but for now i sit wide eyed and awake in the dark on my phone, typing this up...I'm not telling anyone I'm back into the blogging thing, and am instead going to see how long it takes anyone to notice. ...mostly am not saying anything bc idk how much I'm gonna keep it for...i kind of go in waves with this, I'm good about for a few months and then i slack off forever, and so on and so forth..so we shall see what happens this time. 

Well, I'm gonna attempt the whole sleeping thing, wish me luck!

Night night
<3  sarah

Insecurities..

Oiy! I have been feeling really insecure these past couple of days, and i don't know why. I'm sure some of it is linked to my period, bc that always sends my emotions into overdrive, but i know another part also has to do with an accidental discovery i made the other day on accident. I don't want to get into to much detail about it, bc if a certain someone reads this, i don't want them taking my words the wrong way. ...and i know i cant talk to them about it, bc the last time i tried (over a different matter) it blew up in my face and i became the bad guy. ...but anyways, back to my rant...

I consider myself to be pretty secure in who i am, and how i feel about myself, however, i have my momenta where i see someone "prettier" than me, and i get jealous of them....not because i want what they have, but bc of how i see myself. And at that moment, i don't see myself as "pretty"

I have these moments in my relationship too. I know deep down in my heart my boyfriend would never cheat on me, nor would he want to, but when i see a girl on TV, or some crazy bad ass scene with a confident woman, i can't help but wonder if he ever thinks, even just for a second, that he wished i was that way.
(I mostly bring this up when referring to... um how shall i word this... "doing the nasty") i have zero experience outside of him, so obviously in not a super pro at a lot of things, but i want be, for him and for me. And so when i see or hear him make little comments (jokingly of course) i still cant help but wonder if maybe part of what he's saying is true...that he wished i was better at the nasty..haha. but no really, so ups my insecurities. Ugh, and me being me, just does nothing for the fear of looking stupid and not doing it right and only letting myself down in the end. So idk, i just needed an outlet to put my thoughts down, nobody will read this..they never do, but at least its off my chest... 

Well bed time. Final in the am.
Love love
~sarah

Ugh!

Sometimes i just don't understand men....meh, make that always. Why is it they feel the need the tune you out, or answer your question, and then turn around and get upset at you for putting/doing the wrong thing? Its not our fault you weren't listening to us in the first place. So give us a break once in awhile and don't get so upset when we are just doing what you said in the first place. Gah!!!  

Anyways..just felt like ranting.