Wow!

Well my first day on the job went alright. It wasn't as terrible as I thought, but now I'm required to get somebody to open a credit card on saturday night when I work. :(  That kind of sucks, but hopefully I'll be able to get it, if not there's a possibility that I will have to work at a table in the entrance to the mall and solicit the credit card to every customer that way, and that would totally suck. But I suppose only time will tell.

On another note, getting Jayden into a routine isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I decided today that I was going to work on getting him up every morning at 8am, and getting him to bed by 10pm. That gives me time to unwind at night before falling asleep, and if I don't go to sleep until midnight, I'm still getting 8 hours of sleep, which, after a week or so, should be enough that I won't feel so exhausted anymore. :)

Jayden had his 4 month check up and that went well and he is growing along great at 13lbs 4 oz and 23 2/4 inches long! He is getting so big, Almost doubled his birth weight of 7lbs 14oz. Not to much longer and I bet he is crawling and then starting to sit up by himself. The doctor told us we could start feeding Jayden solids now, so today my mom and I bought some peas, green beans, carrots, squash, and one other vegetable for him to start trying at the grocery store. We have started him on the rice cereal as just cereal and he has been doing really well with that and is eating a lot of it. We find that if we give it to him in the afternoon, he's not as fussy at night and is more willing to eat it as opposed to the morning or evening hours when he's super duper hungry. I'm looking forward to watching him eat the peas and I hope he doesn't spit them out to much!

On another note, I have decided that I'm officially going to be starting some kind of therapy for my anxiety. It's picking back up now that I'm working again, and it's making going to work no fun. It feels like a chore instead of something fun. I'm at the point where it's day 2 and I already want to quit b/c my anxiety has gotten so bad. I go to work and start freaking out and just want to remove myself from the situation, but I know I can't b/c I need a job and I need to keep working, so I know it's to the point where I need to do something about it. I realized it's something that has been with me since I was younger and I can't get it to go away on my own without some professional help. I am doing this now b/c I don't want it to start to take a tole on my relationship with Nathan (which I'm afraid might happen if I don't get help now), and I fear that if I don't do it soon, when we move in together it might get bad and I may take it out him, when it's not his fault and it's just my anxiety acting up....and I don't want him to feel like I'm always complaining or lashing out at him for little things that shouldn't bother me. So I have decided that going to therapy or talking to somebody and possibly having to be on medicine will be a good thing so it doesn't end up getting to that point. I would hate to have that be the reason we don't get along, especially since we have gotten along so great up until this point. I know it's a huge stepping stone in my life, but with all the things I hope to accomplish this year I know it's certainly something for the best!

Speaking of, I have set several goals for myself this year. Goal #1 was to get a job, which I have accomplished! Goal #2 is to move in with Nathan, which we are working on. Goal #3 is to get all the information I need about going back to school. Goal #4 is to go back to school and major in medical office administration. I want to work in an OBGYN office or something along those lines I do believe. It would be something that would provide stable hours and offer benefits and a decent rate of pay. Goal #5 would be...well let's actually make this Goal #1.5 get started on anxiety therapy. I know this will be an on going goal, but it's certainly loooong over due and something I need to get started with right away. :-) Goal #6 is to save up lots of money so I can get Nathan that best christmas present ever! I'm sure I have some more, but as of right now those are pretty much the biggest ones on my list.

Anyways, It's 11pm and Jayden was in bed before 10 tonight, so I think I'm going to head that way so I can get some decent sleep since I have to work tomorrow night. Love Love!

<3 Sarah <3