Anxiety

Oh boy, well my anxiety has kicked back in. I hate it when this happens but I kind of figured it was only a matter of time before it was going to show up. I start my job tonight and I've been really anxious b/c I don't know how it's going to go. It's a lot different than I'm used to and idk if somebody will be there to help me if I run into a problem during my shift tonight. I only hope it doesn't stay this way for long. I hope once I get the hang of things it goes away. I was talking to my mom the other at lunch and was telling her about it and how I think I should start to go to counseling for it. I'm at the point that whenever it hits me it's so bad I can't really function. I only want to sleep and not think about anything, and with this new job and having to adjust to working again it's coming back and I'm not sure what to do to make it go away. I'm hoping if this ends up being the case and I end up going to counseling that I'm able to start it soon, b/c idk what to do when it gets this bad. I know with everything that's going to be happening throughout this year that it's going to keep coming back if I don't get some help and figure out what to do to help myself when it hits me. When I look back to when I was younger, I realize I have been dealing with this for years and years, I just never knew how to explain it anybody or rather what was happening to me. It sucks that I'm only just realizing it now, but I do need to do something about it so I can get on with living my life and not worrying about starting a new activity or trying something new because of fear that it's only just going to flare up again. When I think about all of the things I could have done but didn't b/c of it, it kind of is sad. I would have done way more things in high school and probably also in college if I wasn't so worried about having to deal with my anxiety. I just hope I'm able to get through it and not let it effect my working tonight. I'm really worried about messing up and not knowing how to solve the issue at work. Also I hope I don't end in a jam and there's nobody around to help me, b/c that would be the worst. ...well I guess I will write back more later, but for right now I have to hop off of here, eat, and get Jayden ready for his doctor's appointment in a little bit!
Until Later..

~Sarah~