UPDATE:

Well, where to start? Hmmm...Well I had an emotional breakdown last night (first one in a VERY long time..guess it was due?)  b/c I was feeling bad that I get to spend so much with Jayden and Nathan so little. It broke my heart just thinking about it, so I won't get into it again b/c I don't want to wind up sad, but the jist was I realized just how precious all the moments are that I do spend with him, and how much I know Nathan wants to be with us so badly.

I'm thankful I went on birth control b/c I have a feeling that if I wasn't on it, I'd be having a lot more meltdowns. The hormones in the birth control some how have made me less emotional than I normally would be, but since I was taking an antibiotic this past week, it threw them all out of wack and I'm honestly not surprised it hit me like it did. I mean I was in like full on meltdown mode, it was awful.

On another note, I'm working a lot now it seems and I really still love my job. I opened today, which was a first, and, to be be honest, I'm not sure if I'd rather open or close. I like both, but I almost feel like I get out earlier if I close than open...but who really knows. It also was OMG slooooow today. I had time to recover (or organize, size and straighten...for those of you who don't speak retail) all of the tables in my section and the other section. I was working in petites today and normally I work in modern sportswear. I went over and helped the other girls by recovering their denim tables and denim wall by the time my shift was over. I finished that and STILL had over an hour left to figure out what to do. to some extent I was kind of thankful that I had didn't have much to do, b/c I bought these new shoes on my break, and they were killing my feet after about 30 minutes and giving me blisters...I'm contemplating taking them back and exchanging them for a different pair, but I think if I wear them with socks or some type or hose/stockings, I should be okay..or so I hope. My boots I went into work wearing are okay for the first 3 hours but after that they end up killing my feet.

Jayden is still doing well, though he isn't able to eat carrots or any other orange baby food, b/c he keeps having a reaction to the dye in it. Speaking of dye, I talked to my mom about dying my hair blonde, but she said if I want to I'll have to pay for it since she is covering the cost of my counseling for anxiety (which starts tomorrow). So I suppose that will have to wait, or maybe I could add it to my birthday list, eh, who knows. I would use my paycheck to do it, but I'm planning on using that for something for Nathan.....and no hun, I'm not going to tell you what it is..lol!

I'm trying to watch the walking dead while blogging so I can get caught up on it, but it's to difficult for me to focus on what I want to say here and also follow the story line there. I usually end getting so far behind that I have about 3 episodes to catch up on at any given time. However, this week I'm only behind 2 episodes, so that's not to terrible. :-)

Tomorrow after I get off of work I'm going to take Jayden down to Nate's so he can spend some time with him while I'm working and he's off for a couple of days. I have to work wednesday, so I will leave from his house and go to work, and then come back down there and spend thursday with him and Jayden. Maybe the weather will be nice and we could take Jayden to the park or something like that. It'd be nice to go back to the one park we went to when I was pregnant and we saw the spider lilies.

So due to the fact that I really want Nathan, Jayden and I to be together as a family, I'm still looking around online to see what kind of other jobs I'm able to locate. I would love to be able to find something full time, but I don't know what my odds are of that happening, so for now I'm looking at possibly taking up another part time job and letting one know I can only open and the other I can only close. The dairy queen near me is hiring, but I see myself getting super fat if I work there..haha! I say this only b/c I would probably eat a lot of ice cream since I think you get it for free if you do work there. However it might be worth a shot since I have yet to be able to find anything else at this point. I will say though, I still really love my job and I like that I'm getting around 24ish hours a week, b/c I'm sure that once my pay check comes it will be a good lump sum..or so I hope at least.

Jayden is now sitting in his swing at 10pm and is fussing but I'm hoping it's the kind of fussing that will turn into sleep, but I'm not so convinced of that. I think the swing is moving to quickly for him to relax. (I'm about to go fix that right now)

I'm going to my counseling meeting tomorrow. I'm not really sure what to expect, but I hope it will be helpful to me. If after the first session I feel that nothing was accomplished and I have the feeling that going back for more sessions won't benefit me any, then I probably won't continue with it b/c it's so freaking expensive. I am hoping though that I will be able to come up with something to help me, but if not I suppose it will be okay, b/c I have a strong support system around me. :-)

I'm trying to think if there is anything else I was going to talk about..??  I don't think so, but I'm sure if there is, I will get another request to update my blog. Though, I kind of feel like I keep blogging about the same things..I guess b/c that's pretty much what's on my mind and what's been going through my head lately...though I do wonder...has Nathan updated his blog???  ...probably not...lol!   Welp, until next time...

xoxo's
~Sarah~