Jayden, Jayden, Jayden..What am I going to do with you at night?! It seems like this little man just doesn't want to go to bed. I guess he takes after me, b/c I was always afraid I would miss out on something and I never wanted to go to bed when I was younger, It would seem that my son is no different. Tonight I stared to put him to bed at around 8:30pm. He was sucking down a bottle and about half way through it he fell asleep. I thought "Okay, let me try and put him in his bed and see if he will fall asleep." Well that was a mistake, b/c as soon as i moved him into the room he woke right up. Well since this was only the first try and he still had half a bottle left I wasn't to mad. I thought I would try and have him finish up the last of the bottle in his bed in hopes he would drift off back to sleep. No such luck. I then picked him up out of bed and brought him into the other room with me for awhile. Well he started fussing again so i made another bottle for him. This time he also fell asleep and so i thought i would wait a bit before trying to move him. Well once again when i finally did go to move him he woke right up. I then tried everything in my power to get him to sleep. I left him to to cry for 7 minutes in hopes he would nod off and go to bed, unsuccessful. I tried patting his belly and rubbing his back..I even tried reading him some stories, and nothing was working. Well at this point I had been fighting with him to go to sleep for about 3 hours..and I was beginning to get frustrated and annoyed. You see, this has become a nightly ritual around here, where it takes him 3 hours to go to bed. Well since I have been dealing with this for over a month now, it's very hard to keep my patience with him going into hour 3. Well once reading to him didn't work, I opted to bring him into the other room and put him in his swing. Once in his swing he calmed down and just stared at me and the walls. While he was swinging he started fussing and so i turned on his calming music and sure enough that did the trick and he fell sound asleep. That was about an hour ago, and I have yet to move him b/c i'm to afraid of waking him up. I think I will sleep on the couch tonight just b/c I don't have the energy to mess with him any more. I'm very tired, and need to go to sleep. OIY, so that has been my night.
Tomorrow i'm going to be hanging out with my friend Lacy. That should be fun since I haven't seen her in forever and she has LOTS of drama to catch me up on...ears..are you prepared!? lol! I'm curious to hear what's been going on in her world, but at the same time i know it will be quite a challenge to get a word in edge wise, but it will be okay. I have seriously been missing that social outlet these days. I really miss having friends around, and people to talk to all the time. It really hit me the other day when Nathan, Tanner and I were driving to rock hill and they were reminiscing about old times and i got really sad b/c i started thinking that all my friends i can do that with don't hardly talk to me anymore. especially the ones from college...we sort of had a falling out after graduation when i said i wouldn't move in with them...it got worse to once i told them i was pregnant. It hurts if i think about it for to long, so i really try not to, but that day it got to me and it was everything i could do to keep from breaking down in the car. It's just hard for me to open up to people and let them in b/c it seems that all of my close friends who i do, stop talking to me and just sort of give up on me. It's been a challenge not to shut down on nathan at times when things are really bugging me about whatever. I know he's always there to listen, but given my history with friends and what not, it's hard for me, but i'm working on it. That's why sometimes i get really quiet and don't say much...usually when something is bothering me..but i just sit quiet and try not think about it, and eventually it goes away and i'm okay again.
But yea, i miss my social outlet, i need some people who can relate to me and understand where i'm coming from. That's why i'm glad my friend maia made contact with me the other day on fbook. She also has a son and is able to relate to all the mommy drama and life as a mom. It's hard to talk about it to people who don't have kids, b/c they can only understand to a certain extent. once you have kids your entire perspective changes, and maia would get that. It's no longer about you, it's about your child and what they need. At time i find myself lost trying to regain who i am, and needing to figure out who i am. There are times when i feel as though i have lost myself with jayden, and no longer know who i am as a person. That's why i have decided to start taking control and initiative. I'm tired of sitting around and letting things pass by me or putting things off until it's absolutely necessary. I'm going to start being proactive and figuring out who i am again. I think it's time i change something, i'm not sure what yet, but something. I'm satrting with getting a job. As of now i'm no longer giving up. I'm going to go out and fill out 100 applications if i have to, but i will be sure i have put in an application everywhere and anywhere. Even subway or the grocery stores if i have to. I need to find a job asap so nathan and i can start to look at places again. I miss him not being around all the time, especially now that Jayden is doing more things like rolling over and talking more. It always makes me feel really bad when he misses these little things. It breaks my heart that he's not around all the time to witness it. I try to go down and visit him as much as i can, but jayden isn't always gauranted to "perform" when we're down there and i feel bad. I can't imagine how hard it is for nathan, i can only imagine how he must feel.. I will say though, I find myself envying him from time to time to be able to sleep through the night without having to worry about getting up with a fussy baby, or being able to spend all day on the computer and not worry if the kid is crying or hungry. It doesn't happen often, b/c i love jayden to death, but every once and again...mostly when i'm beyond tired and he won't stop crying, do i envy nate for being able to not have to worry about it. Whoever says that being a parent is easy clearly doesn't have children!!!! It's one of the most rewarding and yet challenging things i have ever done! I love my son's smiles and laughs and giggles, but when he's up crying and won't go to bed i'm ready to punch in the walls! But then when i hear him giggle and talk..it totally makes being up with him at night all worth it. He's such a joy and i'm so happy he's healthy and doing well! :)
OH MAN! So I'm sooooo excited for this weekend! Nathan and I are going up to the biltmore estate, and it's going to be soo much fun! I haven't been there since high school, but from what i remember, it's really nice! :) I'm excited to walk around the house, and maybe even the winery and gardens...that i haven't ever done before, so i think it will be fun to do. We are planning to get there at noon and spend the entrie day there and just enjoy the day and spending time with each other. Brandon and Amber might even come with us if Brandon is able to get somebody to switch days with him!! :) Speaking of Brandon and Amber, we went down to their house yesterday to watch the playoff games and that was a lot of fun. It had been awhile since we had seen them and oh man is isaiah HUGE now! He looks like he's about 2 months older than Jayden when in actuality he is in fact 2 weeks younger! He is 24 inches long and i believe amber said he weighed 14 or 15 pounds already!! He's a big boy alright! Jayden looks so little compared to him. Speaking of little and babies..I cleaned through Jaydens clothes that don't fit him and put them in a box to go in the attic until we may need to break them out again. I also sorted through about 5 boxes of clothes from nathan's uncle and kept the sizes that fit Jayden and put others in 2 boxrs to go to lisa for her baby boy. I found quite a lot of 0-3 month sizes and Jayden is just big for those now. he's in 3-6 months or 6 month sizes depending on the brand and how bug they run. In the midst of that I also cleaned through my closet and compiled a pile of clothes to pass along to kristen...she always loves coming to my house b/c i always have something for her! lol! She probably hasn't had to buy a pair of jeans in about 3 years b/c i keep giving her all of mine! haha!! Which i'm sure she loves! :)
The other day i came up with a to-do list, mostly b/c i keep saying i'm going to do things and keep putting them off or forgetting about them. This time i wrote them all down and have just about completed the list. I have only a few more things to do, one of which is go make copies of pictures and run some errands to buy laundry detergent and shampoo. haha! Speaking of laundry, i finally got caught up on it, and have nothing left to do! I also got super bored earlier today and cleaned my bathroom. I unclogged the shower drain, cleaned the shower, toilet, and tub, swept and mopped the floors, and even washed the shower curtain!! (I have been needing to do that since about April or so..lol) But yea, I feel really accomplished and feel good that i have been getting things done, and i'm going to keep up with this..I like feeling this way! :)
One last thing before I head to bed...I broke out my journal the other day and wrote in it. It was the first time in a loooong time i had needed to visit it. I mostly use my journal if i am wrestling with my emotions or have some sort of dilemma i need to figure out and can't talk to anybody about. After writing in it to out my problem that day, I went back and re-read some of my older entries. The ones from college were the worst. I was soooo stressed out and annoyed with my friends it was terrible. They were really bad to me, and it's all shown there. In fact, my entire journal is in extremes...it's either something that has happened that is super happy, or something that is really bothering me and kind of depressing...unfortunately the bad outweighs then good b/c a majority of it is all in college. and it started junior year...and just got worse from there. But anyways, I had to visit it the other night b/c i was bothered with not having friends around, and how sad i was the other day, but i'm okay now, and that's what matters! :)
I'll say one more thing b/c I don't want to leave you on that semi-sad note...
Things with Nathan and I are going great! We could not be more in love than we are now. We have been together over a year now and every day I spend with him is another wonderful day in my life. He means so much to me and I love him so much! He is always there for me if i need to vent or have a good story to tell. I think about him all the time and always hope his day is going well and that he isn't missing us too much. Though, if he misses us as much as we miss him, it's quite a lot. Despite our crazy times and our silly banter and teasing, we love each other and that's what counts. <3
Well that's all i've got for now..I'm off to crash on the couch for probably 5 hours before the little one wakes me up b/c he's hungry.
Until Next time.....
~One Tired Momma~
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