Friday, December 23, 2011
New Look:
I'm thinking that it's time I give my blog a little makeover. I no longer feel as though "tales from a blob" fits my current life. I'm still going to continue to blog and keep this one, it's just going to have a slightly different look to it when my sister gets done with it's makeover! I hope you will enjoy the new look...If I can ever decide on a good one that works! :)
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The last 2 months..in a nut shell..
WOW! I haven't been on here in forever! I honestly kind of forgot about this thing. I was never one to really blog in the first place, but once I start I always get addicted and it's honestly a great way to express myself, without having to talk out loud. Well anyways..let me catch you up on what's been going on around here these days..
Well the last time I posted anything I was still pregnant and anxiously awaiting the birth of my son, Jayden. He graced our presence on October 20, 2011 at 7:57pm. I ended up having to have a C-Section b/c he was just so comfy in his little home, he didn't want to come out and started to show a little stress, so the doctors thought it best to go ahead and get him out safely. I wasn't upset or scared to have this done. In fact, I kind of had a hunch it was going to end up happening at about 3ish in the afternoon. I had been in the hospital since 5am, and hadn't made much progress, I went from about 2 1/2 3cm upon arrival to a whopping 4cm by like 3ish. I wasn't making any change and never got past 4cm the entire time. I wasn't upset about having to have the surgery, but I was concerned about having to listen to all the noises when they are suctioning out everything. Though, to my surprise, I didn't hear any of it. I was so doped up n pain meds and numbing meds that I was totally out of it during the entire procedure. In fact, when they held up my son so I could see him, I was in such a drunken like state that I wasn't even able to focus on him and didn't really see him until I was in recovery afterwords. In recovery I remember them asking if I wanted to hold him and I had to compose myself and try not to cry when I told her "Yes, but my arms are numb and I can't move them." She then just placed him on my chest and watched him to make sure he wouldn't roll away. He was such a good baby and so adorable, I couldn't wait to get some rest and be able to cuddle with him.
I never really got that "over whelming sense of love/mom" feeling that everybody talks about. I don't know if i'm weird, or if it was b/c I felt like I was pregnant and then had a baby and missed the middle part b/c of being so out of it with the surgery..but I never had that feeling. Don't get me wrong, I love Jayden to death and will do anything to make sure he is always safe and healthy, but it didn't hit me like everybody talks about. I do wonder if i didn't have a section, if I would have felt different b/c I would have remembered that middle part, or actually having the baby, but I wouldn't change him being for anything! :) I'm glad he is healthy and doing well!
So fast forward a few days: We have left the hospital and are back home now which I couldn't be more happy about. Well those first few weeks were killer! I was sooo over exhausted from trying to recover from surgery, and having to deal with trying to breast feed, that anything little thing was setting me off. I felt really bad for Nathan b/c I snapped at him a lot over the smallest things. He was a champ and just let my comments fly off his shoulders and he smiled and spit back a sarcastic remark. He really put up with a lot those 3 weeks he was here and I couldn't be more thankful and happy to have him in my life! I really tried not to snap at him, but there were times I was so over tired and stressed out from everything, that I couldn't help it. I would have snapped at Jayden if he was older I was that tired! It was a hard few weeks. I was attempting to breastfeed which wasn't going as well as I thought and I mostly blame that on the lactation visits. Up until my first visit with them, I was care free and relaxed about the whole thing thinking that jayden was doing what he was supposed to and getting enough food to eat. After the first visit though, things went to hell and I really started to stress out over it and it made trying to nurse him VERY difficult! She was wanting us to supplement him with formula after he ate, and that was making him fussy and gassy with spit up..it was not a good combo for him. The more I nursed him, I was so tired I would fall asleep causing his latch to be terrible in turn making me EXTREMELY sore! I was trying to be a trooper and stick it out b/c I really wanted to nurse him. I was dealing with thoughts of "am I being a bad mother b/c I can't get him to latch on right, and is he getting enough to eat?" It was extremely hard on me and I eventually ended up breaking down into tears on more than one occasion. I kept feeling like I was failing b/c I wasn't making enough for him, or that I was doing something wrong. It was hard to deal with, but I eventually figured out a method that worked for me. It was after I got so sore that one day I started pumping blood with the milk. It was at that point I KNEW I needed to take a break from latching him on and pump only for the next 24/48 hours. Well after those 24/48 hours were up and I realized how much less stressed I had been those days, I knew I wanted to just pump and bottle feed him that way. I don't regret my decision at all. It had made it so much easier on myself and I feel like Nathan can be included with the feedings and help out if he wants to. When I was nursing him, It was only up to me and if I didn't want to, or I was to tired, I was SOL and had to suffer through it and do it anyways. With pumping and bottle feeding him I was able to pump for ten minutes and get my ounces and Nate could feed him while I pumped. It was working out great, and still is to this day. I now wonder if Jayden would even latch on if I tried?! Who knows, but all in all, I'm not sure I would want to go back to being that stressed out over it again. I know for my next baby that attending lactation visits is NOT for me. I will just nurse that baby when they are hungry and if it doesn't work out, I will go back to pumping and feeding them like I am right now.
The hardest thing for me thus far though, without a doubt in my mind, was when I had to watch Nathan leave us the first time he went back to work. I cried on and off the entire day. It broke my heart to have to watch him say bye to Jayden, and that's the moment I knew that no matter what, I had to find a job soon so we could all be together in our own place. He had been such a HUGE help over the three weeks that I was really going to miss him not being around. I love him so much and he is such a big part of my life that I don't know what I would do without him here. I know it must be so hard on him to be away from us from time to time, I know it is on me. Not a minute goes by that I wonder what he is doing or how he is feeling about being away. He is being so strong and has been so strong for us through this whole year, that I just want him to know how much I appreciate it and love him for everything he has done for us. I know it hasn't always been easy, but we love him and appreciate everything he has done. None of it is taken for granted. I tell Jayden every day about his daddy and ALWAYS give him a kiss goodnight from him. I know Nate would do the same thing if I were away, and I want to make sure that Jayden knows his daddy loves him so VERY much! :) Everybody says Jayden looks just ike Nathan, but I think as he gets older he may start to look like me...or at least I hope he starts to. the only thing he has now is my nose..otherwise everything else is pretty much the spitting image of his daddy! It's a good thing Nathan is so cute, otherwise who knows what Jayden would look like. lol! :)
Nursing and feeding aside, Jayden is such a happy and sweet little boy. He is smiling now all the time, and is even starting to ALMOST enjoy his tummy time. He is getting stronger and better at keeping his head lifted up for longer periods of time. He now weighs 11lbs 1oz and is 22in. long. He was 7lbs 14oz at birth and was 19.5in long! He's two months old, and time has flown by! I'm currently looking for a job and have applied to several places in the hopes that I will hear something back very soon! The sooner I'm able to find a job, the more comfortable we will feel about getting a place of our own, b/c we will have my money to spend on the side as well as what Nathan will be getting. I'm looking forward to the day we will all be together again and can live in our own place as a happy family! I love Nathan from the bottom of my heart and can't wait until we are together and in one place once again. I'm ready to take of my boys and be there to cheer them up when they are having a bad day. I know it will all come in due time, but I just can't help but think of how amazingly life will be with Nathan and Jayden. I'm so happy and I couldn't ask for more...
Until Later...
~Sarah~
Well the last time I posted anything I was still pregnant and anxiously awaiting the birth of my son, Jayden. He graced our presence on October 20, 2011 at 7:57pm. I ended up having to have a C-Section b/c he was just so comfy in his little home, he didn't want to come out and started to show a little stress, so the doctors thought it best to go ahead and get him out safely. I wasn't upset or scared to have this done. In fact, I kind of had a hunch it was going to end up happening at about 3ish in the afternoon. I had been in the hospital since 5am, and hadn't made much progress, I went from about 2 1/2 3cm upon arrival to a whopping 4cm by like 3ish. I wasn't making any change and never got past 4cm the entire time. I wasn't upset about having to have the surgery, but I was concerned about having to listen to all the noises when they are suctioning out everything. Though, to my surprise, I didn't hear any of it. I was so doped up n pain meds and numbing meds that I was totally out of it during the entire procedure. In fact, when they held up my son so I could see him, I was in such a drunken like state that I wasn't even able to focus on him and didn't really see him until I was in recovery afterwords. In recovery I remember them asking if I wanted to hold him and I had to compose myself and try not to cry when I told her "Yes, but my arms are numb and I can't move them." She then just placed him on my chest and watched him to make sure he wouldn't roll away. He was such a good baby and so adorable, I couldn't wait to get some rest and be able to cuddle with him.
I never really got that "over whelming sense of love/mom" feeling that everybody talks about. I don't know if i'm weird, or if it was b/c I felt like I was pregnant and then had a baby and missed the middle part b/c of being so out of it with the surgery..but I never had that feeling. Don't get me wrong, I love Jayden to death and will do anything to make sure he is always safe and healthy, but it didn't hit me like everybody talks about. I do wonder if i didn't have a section, if I would have felt different b/c I would have remembered that middle part, or actually having the baby, but I wouldn't change him being for anything! :) I'm glad he is healthy and doing well!
So fast forward a few days: We have left the hospital and are back home now which I couldn't be more happy about. Well those first few weeks were killer! I was sooo over exhausted from trying to recover from surgery, and having to deal with trying to breast feed, that anything little thing was setting me off. I felt really bad for Nathan b/c I snapped at him a lot over the smallest things. He was a champ and just let my comments fly off his shoulders and he smiled and spit back a sarcastic remark. He really put up with a lot those 3 weeks he was here and I couldn't be more thankful and happy to have him in my life! I really tried not to snap at him, but there were times I was so over tired and stressed out from everything, that I couldn't help it. I would have snapped at Jayden if he was older I was that tired! It was a hard few weeks. I was attempting to breastfeed which wasn't going as well as I thought and I mostly blame that on the lactation visits. Up until my first visit with them, I was care free and relaxed about the whole thing thinking that jayden was doing what he was supposed to and getting enough food to eat. After the first visit though, things went to hell and I really started to stress out over it and it made trying to nurse him VERY difficult! She was wanting us to supplement him with formula after he ate, and that was making him fussy and gassy with spit up..it was not a good combo for him. The more I nursed him, I was so tired I would fall asleep causing his latch to be terrible in turn making me EXTREMELY sore! I was trying to be a trooper and stick it out b/c I really wanted to nurse him. I was dealing with thoughts of "am I being a bad mother b/c I can't get him to latch on right, and is he getting enough to eat?" It was extremely hard on me and I eventually ended up breaking down into tears on more than one occasion. I kept feeling like I was failing b/c I wasn't making enough for him, or that I was doing something wrong. It was hard to deal with, but I eventually figured out a method that worked for me. It was after I got so sore that one day I started pumping blood with the milk. It was at that point I KNEW I needed to take a break from latching him on and pump only for the next 24/48 hours. Well after those 24/48 hours were up and I realized how much less stressed I had been those days, I knew I wanted to just pump and bottle feed him that way. I don't regret my decision at all. It had made it so much easier on myself and I feel like Nathan can be included with the feedings and help out if he wants to. When I was nursing him, It was only up to me and if I didn't want to, or I was to tired, I was SOL and had to suffer through it and do it anyways. With pumping and bottle feeding him I was able to pump for ten minutes and get my ounces and Nate could feed him while I pumped. It was working out great, and still is to this day. I now wonder if Jayden would even latch on if I tried?! Who knows, but all in all, I'm not sure I would want to go back to being that stressed out over it again. I know for my next baby that attending lactation visits is NOT for me. I will just nurse that baby when they are hungry and if it doesn't work out, I will go back to pumping and feeding them like I am right now.
The hardest thing for me thus far though, without a doubt in my mind, was when I had to watch Nathan leave us the first time he went back to work. I cried on and off the entire day. It broke my heart to have to watch him say bye to Jayden, and that's the moment I knew that no matter what, I had to find a job soon so we could all be together in our own place. He had been such a HUGE help over the three weeks that I was really going to miss him not being around. I love him so much and he is such a big part of my life that I don't know what I would do without him here. I know it must be so hard on him to be away from us from time to time, I know it is on me. Not a minute goes by that I wonder what he is doing or how he is feeling about being away. He is being so strong and has been so strong for us through this whole year, that I just want him to know how much I appreciate it and love him for everything he has done for us. I know it hasn't always been easy, but we love him and appreciate everything he has done. None of it is taken for granted. I tell Jayden every day about his daddy and ALWAYS give him a kiss goodnight from him. I know Nate would do the same thing if I were away, and I want to make sure that Jayden knows his daddy loves him so VERY much! :) Everybody says Jayden looks just ike Nathan, but I think as he gets older he may start to look like me...or at least I hope he starts to. the only thing he has now is my nose..otherwise everything else is pretty much the spitting image of his daddy! It's a good thing Nathan is so cute, otherwise who knows what Jayden would look like. lol! :)
Nursing and feeding aside, Jayden is such a happy and sweet little boy. He is smiling now all the time, and is even starting to ALMOST enjoy his tummy time. He is getting stronger and better at keeping his head lifted up for longer periods of time. He now weighs 11lbs 1oz and is 22in. long. He was 7lbs 14oz at birth and was 19.5in long! He's two months old, and time has flown by! I'm currently looking for a job and have applied to several places in the hopes that I will hear something back very soon! The sooner I'm able to find a job, the more comfortable we will feel about getting a place of our own, b/c we will have my money to spend on the side as well as what Nathan will be getting. I'm looking forward to the day we will all be together again and can live in our own place as a happy family! I love Nathan from the bottom of my heart and can't wait until we are together and in one place once again. I'm ready to take of my boys and be there to cheer them up when they are having a bad day. I know it will all come in due time, but I just can't help but think of how amazingly life will be with Nathan and Jayden. I'm so happy and I couldn't ask for more...
Until Later...
~Sarah~
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